So, I understand, I am a horrible blogger. But I have honestly got on here a few times for the last few weeks wanting to type something. All I really do is get on and stare at the blank screen. Through the summer and these last few weeks, I have definately grown more as a person than I ever have in my whole life. My perspective of life has changed, and the important things in life have changed a little bit too.
I found out I was pregnant right before school was starting. First, it came as a schock...not a bad shock....more like I couldnt believe that I was actually going to be a mom and that it had to happen right as my first year teaching was starting. After the shock, then came the excitement and the anticipation of knowing that we were going to be given the opportunity to raise someone and have a family with my husband and gratitude that Heavenly Father trusted me enough to actually take care of one of his little spirits.
I have never felt so much love for someone that I never had the opportunity to meet. I was overwhelmed at how happy I could be, even when I was exhausted and tired from the different pregnancy symptoms I was getting. Everything was going great, and I was feeling pretty good despite being tired all of the time.
I woke up on the first day of my new job at the school, and something just wasnt feeling right. I thought that I was just nervous for my first day and meeting all of the parents. I got to school, and felt okay, but it ended up miscarrying in the middle of my first lesson. It has made for some pretty rotten emotional days lately.
I didnt know that a miscarraige was such an emotional thing, but it is. I didnt know that you could love someone more than anything in the world, and never even meet them. I didnt know that you could spend so much time crying or being so emotional about something.....BUT....what I DO KNOW is that everything happens for a reason. I DO KNOW that Heavenly Father loves me, and that this isnt going to be my only chance to have a family. I DO KNOW that I have the most amazing and supportive husband that anyone in this world could ask for. I DO KNOW that I have an amazing support system of family and friends....and lastly....I DO KNOW that it is going to be okay. Life is hard sometimes, and this is defiantely turning out to be a pretty high mountain to climb, but in the end, things will work out the way they should and life will be okay. No, its not going to get any easier telling people that things didnt work out when they congratulate me in the grocery store or when I hear a baby crying, but it will be okay.
One of the things that this experience has taught me is to be more compassioniate. In the last few weeks, I have seen many different family situations that are hard, and it has helped me be more loving towards my students and their families. I have also learned how important family really is, and how important it is to have the gospel in your life. I dont know what I would have done if I didnt have Destry around to give me a blessing once in awhile or simply kneal down and pray with me. I have more compassion for other women who have ever went through the same thing.
I am so grateful for the support system I have had, and for knowing that things will be okay. Sometimes life is just life...its hard...and things happen that we dont understand. But, in the end, it will be okay.
Harry's sweet balloon hat that he made.
He's not proud of it or anything is he?
Alison preaching to me...
The lucky one that still gets to run out and chase the candy :) She wasnt too excited that day...just kind of melo!
Momma
